Breaking Free from the Drama: Overcoming the Karpman Triangle
None of us are perfect. We all fall into unhelpful patterns sometimes — especially in our relationships. But the more awareness we bring to these patterns, the more power we have to choose differently. One of the most practical tools I’ve come across, both personally and professionally, is the Karpman Drama Triangle.
It’s not just a theory — we can literally stick it on our fridge and glance at it when life feels messy. Think of it as a little map, a reminder that there’s another way to move through conflict and connection.
"Sometimes it’s like catching ourselves mid-dance, noticing the steps we’ve learned, and gently choosing a new rhythm."
What Is the Karpman Triangle?
Developed by Stephen Karpman in the 1960s, the triangle describes a common pattern in emotional tension. There are three roles we often shift between:
Victim – feels powerless or stuck (“Poor me”)
Persecutor – blames or criticizes (“This is your fault”)
Rescuer – tries to fix things or help, even when it’s not asked for (“Let me help you”)
None of these roles are inherently “bad,” but they can trap us in cycles of disconnection. Many of us grew up seeing these patterns play out in our families, so we slip into them almost without thinking.
Why Do We Fall Into These Roles?
The triangle feels familiar because it runs through our family stories — passed down through trauma, experiences, and learned behaviors. As Zach Bush says, “We trauma others because of our own trauma.” And Gabor Maté reminds us that healing isn’t just about talking — it’s about noticing, feeling, and moving differently.
When we recognize these patterns together, it opens the door to compassion — not only for ourselves but for those around us. We start to see that everyone is dancing old steps, not always from who they truly are.
"Maybe, just maybe, we can take a pause and practice a new movement."
Our Experience with the Triangle
We’ve all played these roles — sometimes in a single day! But every time we catch ourselves and step out of the triangle, even just a little, it’s something to be proud of. That’s the work. That’s the healing. And yes — it’s hard, but it’s possible.
This tool clicked for me during uni placement, but the beauty is we can all make it practical and visual in our own lives — in therapy, in relationships, and even just at home with ourselves.
"Sometimes we just need a gentle reminder that we can step back and breathe before moving forward."
So How Can We Step Out of the Drama Triangle?
Awareness is step one. Let’s start noticing when we slip into one of the roles. We might say quietly to ourselves, “I’m feeling like the Victim right now,” or “I notice I’m trying to Rescue.” Simply naming it without judgment creates space.
Shift into Empowered Roles:
Victim → Creator: What choices do we have? What do we want?
Persecutor → Challenger: Can we express our feelings or boundaries directly, without blame?
Rescuer → Coach or Supporter: Can we support without fixing or taking over?
Bring it into therapy. We can say, “I’ve noticed I often take on the Rescuer role. Can we explore that?” That is movement. That is healing in action — awareness, intention, and gentle practice.
"Sometimes it’s as simple as noticing and breathing before taking the next step."
Final Thoughts: Overcoming the Drama Triangle (aka Growing Up)
Working through the Karpman Triangle is emotional maturity in motion. It’s “growing up,” but not in a shaming way — in a loving, self-responsible way. We’re learning to say, softly but firmly, “We don’t have to play these roles anymore.”
And when we fall back into old patterns (because we all do), we meet ourselves with curiosity and compassion. That’s what makes the work sustainable. That’s what makes change possible.
"We’re not broken. We’re learning a new dance with ourselves and others."
"In the pauses, the breaths, the small choices — that, together, is something to be proud of."
Warmly,
Alana xx