My first week of IFS level 1 training is complete, and I am both brain tired and deeply inspired to continue this study and understanding. As I make space to reflect on the week, my biggest takeaway of all is the gentleness of this approach. It serves as a grounding reminder of just how tender and wise we are, our inner parts are, and that all they really need is recognition, presence, care, and a compassionate relationship with our Self.
Internal family systems (IFS) is a parts work therapy. It's a way of being in relationship with our parts and other people's parts. Parts, when heard, seen, and validated, naturally soften back to self energy, to who we truly are. Self energy is powerful, particularly when in relation to parts. The therapy teaches that we have many parts in our psyche and in our existence, that we are not just angry, we are a person with an angry part, that we are not just anxious, we are a person with an anxious part. It is a practice that allows us to feel our wholeness, to find compassion, care, and love for all aspects of ourselves.. It is an experimental model, that is a little bit different to traditional talk therapy. This therapy is present focused and somatic by its nature, because healing our inner child means we need to experience what they did, and often these wounds begin when language is not yet understood. It shows us through experiencing the therapy that we are interconnected and influenced by the systems before and around us. Our self energy is innate and heals. It is soulful and spiritual, and it captures the essence of humanity.
In IFS therapy, we move far beyond and away from "Fixing" Ourselves
I really resonate with all therapies that are strengths based, because it is a deep belief within me that we are whole, and innately capable and we need to remember that. This framework also speaks to this. In a world that often encourages us to manage, control, or override our emotional responses, there is such a quiet relief in realising that we are not our parts. We don't have to be the anger, the anxiety, or the overwhelm—we are simply experiencing them. When we hold this perspective, the way we view our internal world completely changes:
The anger isn't a flaw: It is a protective part trying to guard a boundary or highlight a hurt.
The anxiety isn't a defect: It is a part working tirelessly to keep us safe from future pain.
The overwhelm isn't a failure: It is a part signaling that we have reached our capacity.
When we stop viewing our internal experiences as problems to solve and start seeing them as parts to meet, the struggle softens, opening space for gentle inner child healing and natural re-parenting of our tender parts.
Making the U-Turn Inward
So often, when distress arises, our natural impulse is to look outward—focusing on what someone else did, or trying to change the circumstances around us.
In Internal Family Systems, one of the most beautiful moves we make is the "U-turn"—turning our attention away from external triggers and gently back toward our own internal experience.
When we stop looking externally and instead attune to our protective managers and tender exiles with presence, recognition, and care, a new kind of trust develops. It isn't about forcing these parts to change, go away, or be managed—it is entirely about the relationship we build with all parts within ourselves.
Creating Spaciousness, Warmth, and Care
As we slow down and welcome whatever arrives in our internal world with an open, warm heart, those parts learn to trust us enough to unblend. They step back, allowing us to return to the calm, compassionate presence of Self.
At its heart, internal family systems is a model that teaches inner child healing, it is incredible for developing a healthier more connected relationship with ourselves, and with others. It isn't about becoming someone new, nor is it about fixing what feels broken, it is about creating spaciousness. It is about remembering that what our inner world truly needs isn't to be controlled or managed, but simply to be seen, heard, and deeply met.
This training has immediately helped me notice these hard working protective parts, the firefighters numbing or distracting ourselves from feeling, and the tender vulnerable exhales.. It’s a beautiful thing to step back a little and watch the story and characters. reflecting and helping where I can.
If you feel drawn to exploring your own inner parts with curiosity and gentle presence, I offer a warm, supportive space where we can move at a pace that feels safe for you. I am really excited to integrate the IFS model into my practice. You can read more about IFS therapy and the service here.
Here is a video by the founder, Dr Richard Shwartz, who explains IFS therapy… if you click the link.
Warmly,
Alana