Softening the Stories We Tell Ourselves

It’s wild, isn't it—how much we limit ourselves with the stories we make up?

We place conditions on our potential simply because conditions are all around us. Growing up with rules, labels, and expectations, we construct stories about who we are, where we’ve been, and where we’re going. These inner narratives shape our entire reality, either expanding our world or contracting it. If we are the storytellers of our own lives, imagine how much freer and more creative we could be if we began gently dropping those conditions, allowing ourselves to experience life as it actually is.

I was thinking about this recently while resitting a meditation course. Through the lens of Vedic meditation, our endless, racing thoughts are often just the system’s way of unstressing, whereas closing our eyes each day allows us to return to what they call the 'Being' state—a natural flow of intelligence and intuition. Returning to a steady practice has given me space to simply watch my mind, observing where it goes when I'm stressed versus when I'm calm. And simply, where it goes when I watch it process—it is fascinating to see what’s occupying the space in my mind.

Just as we take care of our bodies physically, internally we need to take care of our minds and souls too. We rest, and then we engage in self-enquiry—with ourselves, and with another. We find rest in these quiet practices, whether meditating, journaling, or walking alone, and we use therapy to help make sense of the stress and experiences we carry. It gives us a way to better know ourselves, offering insight into the many pathways and behavioural responses at play in our daily lives.

When we view this inner landscape through Internal Family Systems (IFS) and parts work, releasing those limiting stories means stepping out from behind our protective parts. Self-awareness helps us notice these patterns and journal around our defenses when old wounds surface. Yet an internal conflict so often arises: one part of us jumps up to react, while another sits right there watching it unfold, thinking, "Why am I doing this again?"

Or the most subtle part, somewhere deeper than the noise, knows something that the protective layers don’t. That’s the Self—the part we all want to hear more. It’s our intuition and nature, the most natural guidance.

When we zoom out and look at all of this gently, we see that the stories we tell are so important. They carry an energy, and from that energy, we shape how we meet everything in our lives—the light, the heavy, and everything in between. When we hold those stories with a softer touch, our relationships with ourselves and others begin to shift. We feel freer to make decisions from the truth of who we really are, grounded in Being, rather than reacting from a story we created.

While we can learn to self-regulate and meet ourselves with kindness, the true value of therapy—whether face-to-face or through online counselling—is having a compassionate mirror. Some of our protective parts are so stubborn, and have worked so hard for so long, that they simply cannot soften on their own. When we’re caught in that internal tug-of-war, our natural blind spots make it hard to see a way through. We might touch into 'Self' and feel grounded for a moment, until a trigger pulls us right back into old patterns and stories we know in our hearts aren't even true.

Deep down, the Self always knows what is real. Our journey is learning to trust that inner knowing, working gently with our nervous system so we don't shock ourselves into deeper defense.

So I wonder: what helps you reconnect with that quiet inner voice? What keeps you grounded? And can you offer yourself permission to feel uncomfortable or dysregulated at times? If we want to write new, expansive stories for our lives, we have to allow the hard feelings to exist alongside the good ones. Perhaps we can start telling ourselves a new story: that every emotion is welcome, and if we do nothing else but hold compassionate space for what is here, we are going to be okay.

If you are noticing protective patterns showing up or feeling overwhelmed by old relational dynamics, you don't have to navigate it alone. I offer gentle, individual and relationship counselling online from the comfort of your own space. Feel free to reach out to connect or book an initial session.

To leave you with a gentle reflection today: When was the last time you made a decision from a place of true regulation? Just observe it, without judgment. That is you in your natural state, and you can return to it as often as you like. If you feel disconnected from this place, it is ok, be all disconnect from it, and there are many resources we have that help us reconnect, just bringing your awareness and intent to that is enough.

Warmly,

Alana