Is Loving Others Easier Than Loving Ourselves?
I felt a bit blue the other day.
Not productive. Not enough. It always comes back to those two things, that I should be doing more, or I should be, more. That whatever decision I make, it's not going to be right. It's negative self-talk and a part within me that tries to manage and control things, and it gets exhausting—and so, naturally, I was tired.
Decision fatigue is real when we don’t let our brains rest regularly and I really notice it in myself. I have learned that during these times I need to just stop, and sometimes it’s hard, and it’s also ok that it is hard. We’re not always going to be smooth sailing in our emotional world, that is simply not reality.
Loving ourselves means loving all of our emotions and ourselves when we don’t feel loveable.
We need to let go. Let go of the fear of uncertainty we carry. Let go of trying to manage so much of our lives, because we know within us, in IFS therapy, they call it the Self, in Vedic meditation they call it intelligence, that we can let go and love, because love is who we are, before the world started to condition us. Loving ourselves and others is natural.
Yet, somewhere along the way, we forgot that. We forget that we can relax and let something guide us other than our own minds. We forgot that we were loveable because of someone else's very own hurt projecting onto us.
The secure part in us always knows that we are loveable, that we are worth all the love we give others, and that we actually can’t manage and control as much as we think we can. This part is the one that knows how to bring compassion and kindness and knows that what really matters is letting ourselves be within whatever process that is.
Whether we’re in seasons of change, spiralling in emotional dysregulation, having fun in the middle of creating some type of project, or simply doing nothing but being alive, we can still know in our hearts that we’re whole. That we’re deserving to love ourselves… All of this internal mind-talk, of observing how difficult it was for me to let go of the idea that I wasn’t doing enough, to let something other than my busy mind, be, breath, or lead my way, got me speaking to my partner saying, 'It seems so much easier to have compassion and love for others.'
His response reminded me, that, while we may think that, there is also another side to that when we truly look at. That we deeply love others but not always, because those meaningful connections are rare, and that when we think about how much we do pick ourselves back up, making decisions even when we don’t know which direction they will take, parent ourselves, the evidence is there, it shows us that we do love ourselves as much. We’re capable of it.
It's natural.
So I was reminded that even if I feel unlovable, I know that I will return to being kind to myself and pulling the sheets back and getting on with it.. or simply loving myself enough to just rest. Because it's the voice of compassion, and that is the truest voice I have.
It is not something that we should be ashamed of, that we should doubt, or forget—and yet we need to remind ourselves this so often because of our protective layers, our wounds, our fears.
May you find some love for yourself today, and even if you aren’t actively doing that, know that it's within you, it is just buried by some protective part, and it will return, when you soften.
With love,
Alana