Relationships as an ‘Old Soul’: Support & Counselling for Highly Sensitive People
"If you are a highly sensitive person, I truly believe that you, too, have an old soul."
I used to question whether I was just an old soul, or if there was something wrong with me. I would sense that when I was older, I would be more content, and now I think about how much life we miss living like that.
So, I began to look at the beauty in seeing, feeling, and thinking deeply, and choosing to see sensitivity as a blessing rather than a curse. It is easy to feel challenged and different as a highly sensitive person. In our world we feel isolated and unusual, needing more space than others, seeing more, feeling more, wanting to understand more.. and yet, there is so much beauty in the qualities of sensitivity that we overlook when doing this. So, I began accepting myself. This quality, and choosing to look at it with love and appreciation for all that it is. The practice continues... Some days it is easier than others.
I have always been hyper-observant, craving a lot of time to just watch and reflect—people and life—and understand it.
I like quiet spaces, places, and people, and because of this, I tend to find being around people much older than me a joy. It feels freeing when there is an understanding of respecting one's own time. And somehow, those a bit older get that because they have been through all the years of people-pleasing and then realise that they too, matter. There is wisdom and understanding.
I would drink tea at parties in high school, and go home early, and then wonder why I was different. Why I didn’t desire the same things as those around me. I needed that time alone to recharge, and I found that surface-level chatter and shallow conversations just left me feeling drained. I felt sad because I was different and I also didn’t like it. I wanted to fit in, to enjoy big social groups and parties, but if I’m honest, I just didn’t.
But then, once I left the country at 18 and lived overseas, my eyes opened. I started to learn more about high sensitivity, realising that there were other deep thinkers and HSPs (Highly Sensitive Persons) like me too. I began studying dynamics and connecting with all sorts of people and ages.
I felt free…not all of the time, but more often than not being in new environments.
Returning to my hometown always brought up some wounds, as it does for so many of us who have travelled or lived away from where we grew up—wounds that I was different, and that wasn’t a good thing; that there was something wrong with me. It still surfaces from time to time... But I have also grown into loving who I am. Loving a quieter life.
If you are a highly sensitive person, I truly believe that you, too, have an old soul. The traits of both are interconnected.
A quiet life, with less noise. With meaning, purpose, intention, surrounded by people that mean something to me and that I truly enjoy. Life is meant to feel good, and good looks different for all of us, but it’s internal. It’s only what we know within us, not what appears externally or matches the societal norms.
I like being selective.
I value my time.
And since working as an online relationship counsellor for young adults in their 20s and 30s, I have realised that many young people who are old souls seek genuine understanding. They sit right in front of me, and I see myself in them. It’s a beautiful thing being a therapist and seeing yourself in someone. You learn to love it because you can see the beauty.
I see the beauty in sensitivity, in depth, in thinking deeply and asking deeper questions, in creating meaning and worth and all I want to do is shine light on that. On the gift of being yourself, and of loving who you are. Removing these stories that there is a problem with being different, or thinking deeper than people around you, or needing more space to reflect.
The right people understand. They love you for thinking deeply and being entirely who you are—without needing to perform or mask. The people that you likely, actually want in your life, not the ones that drain you.
I’m here for the old souls. The young, old souls. The ones who see through what is fake, the surface level, and who are deep thinkers and feelers.
In relationship counselling for highly sensitive people, I frequently notice the common patterns that often sit in front of me: feeling deeply, intuitively absorbing the emotions of others, and possessing an emotional intelligence beyond their years.
Some common themes include:
Parenting our parents and navigating complex family dynamics
Protecting other people's emotions over our own (people-pleasing in relationships)
Feeling out of place in the modern world, often nostalgic for a simpler, slower way of life
Being the empathetic person that people naturally seek out for advice and comfort
Needing lots of alone time to process, recharge, and regulate
Needing to have meaning in life—not just wanting it, but struggling to live without it in relationships, careers, and everyday life
So, perhaps you are a young old soul, and you don’t have an issue, yet because you think so deeply, you wonder if counselling for HSPs might support you…
Counselling doesn’t have to be heavy and draining. It can be preventative relationship counselling too—even enjoyable. For instance, if you're exploring relationships and what you really desire, why not become clear on that through counselling and attract something that you truly want in your bones, while building your self-worth?
So many people come to counselling stuck, so the sooner we can build our worth, feel encouraged to love ourselves, and overcome imposter syndrome and self-doubt, the easier it all gets.
Someone years older told me recently when I struggled with imposter syndrome: "Don't be afraid to shine your light. Don't hide it to protect others. I wish I knew that."
And it is the truth, we don’t have as much time here as we think we do, particularly for sensitive, deep thinkers. I wanted to help people find something meaningful to put their focus on once they found self-understanding.
Talking with someone who understands you, your values, and your hopes can help guide you through belief and encouragement. Because choosing ourselves and setting boundaries can bring up grief and hurt, when it means we have to say no, let other people down, or stay in our truth. It’s hard at times, but it doesn’t need to be as hard as we make it. We need to release that idea, and let go, daily.
You’re here for a reason, and being a sensitive person sometimes is exhausting wondering what that is. But the sooner we are able to accept, love, and understand ourselves, the freer we become… and we might even start to believe that we are here for a reason much larger than ourselves.
Warmly,
Alana
